I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
