Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Randomize
