The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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