Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
