Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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