my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
There r osticjed everywhere
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Randomize
