I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Randomize
