Soap is not a condiment
Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
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