Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
