i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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