1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
