Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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