those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
