I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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