HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
