I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
