Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Randomize
