saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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