Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Randomize
