I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
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