The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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