I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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