the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Randomize
