I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
