I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
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