I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Randomize
