I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I would fuck him just for his dog
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
