no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
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