i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
