there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
Randomize
