If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
