the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
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