Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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