Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
