Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Randomize
