Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
