I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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