Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
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