i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Randomize
