You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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