I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
