im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Randomize
