I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
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