Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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