I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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