hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
