he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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