Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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