We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
