i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Randomize
