he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
