I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
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