Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Randomize
