im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
